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| Dont brake it you old drunk fool... Someone might need it... |
I was standing on the top of the mountain, listening angry people yelling, and dreaming about a meal I could have. I didn't even dare to fart, because we had to keep the secrecy of our position.
Moses was nervous. He was walking around and hitting the ground with his foot, while I was praying for the wind to blow a little onto my painful hemorrhoids.
-"Hey Moses, where are you hiding?" - Someone shouted.
-"Where's your bitchy dog?" - Asked the voice I would rather forget.
Then Moses came upon an idea.
-"I'm here on the top, and I'm talking to God."
-"You'll see your god, only if I reach you!"
-"And what did your God say?"
-"I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery..."
-"What house of slavery, you moron? You brought us out our own houses!"
-"You were brought to the promised land!"
-"Promised by who?"
-"Promised by...never mind..."
Then the crowd started to climb the mountain. Moses started to panic. He took a piece of stone, and started to carve something into it.
-"People, if you climb up, you're going to violate the God's commandments."
-"What commandments, you fool?"
-"God gave me a list of commandments that I must convey to you. The first one says that man is tired by birth, and he lives to rest..."
-"Yeah, that's a good one...let's listen to that fool" - Somebody said.
The third is: You have to rest during the day, so you can sleep at night. Then He said that we should not work, because the work kills..."
The crowd started to shout.
-"Shut up!" - Someone yelled. - "Man speaks wisely. He's a wise man, maybe we should listen to him."
Moses was finally relieved, so he began to preach with more confidence.
-"Then god told me if we see someone having a rest, we must help him. Also, we have to work as less as we can, and all our work we have to transfer to someone else, if it's possible. And, if you accidentally feel the desire to work something, just sit down, wait for few minutes and it will pass..."
-"Wow, the man is a fucking genius... We must follow him."
-"And his dog, too!"
Oh no, I didn't want to be followed any more.
And people began to worship Moses. They have collected all the gold they had and made an golden idol. Originally, it was a statue of Moses healing my painful ass, but somehow, somewhere during the ages, somebody turned it to be the golden calf. When Moses saw the statue, he's gone mad. No one will present him as a dog's ass sniffer, he thought. In his anger he took the stone and broke the statue, destroying the stone too, so nobody will reveal the secret of the last commandment carved in it.
Then the lightning struck in the top of the mountain.
-"Moses, this time you have gone too far" - God said. - "Next time when you speak for me, don't make me sound like an illiterate idiot. For sentence, you have to carve your commandments on the dog-tags,and carry it attached to your balls. And all of you, go to the promised land and do some agriculture, breed some chicken, piss into your neighbour's well... just do something useful."
All people run away scared, and Moses started to carve the commandments, that some lucky finder will misinterpret three years later.
Then God turned his face to me.
-"Rex, have you farted?"
00:51
sada Rex i Avi trče istim livadama...
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