3. Genesis Fart 2 (broken dreams)
Then God created me, The Dog. I can remember, I was a soul, waiting in line in front of casting office, praying not to be chosen, and thinking if he really chooses me, where the hell he's going to send me.
- "What the fuck is a dog, and why I was there" - I wondered. But unfortunately, not for long.
God called me to approach him, and he said - "Now, listen to me Rex, tomorrow morning I'm going to take a pause. I'll sleep till the noon, and you are the chosen one. The one who will take care about the world I've created."
- "But why me?" - I've asked. - "There are many souls more competent then I am."
- "I didn't choose you for your competency" - he said. - "I just can't stand the smell of your breath. Every morning when you sleep in the neighbourhood, my wife makes me to wash my feet."
- "So listen to me carefully. You can go wherever you want, you can do whatever you please, but there's one thing you must know - Don't you ever piss on my beans. The whole world is yours, but the only things I'm going to keep are my beans!"
I had no choice but agree, and walk away cursing.
Very next morning I was walking around, playing with the beautiful creatures that God have made, feeling so happy. I've spent whole morning trying to figure out why did he give me so many holes. I tried to fill each, but my equipment didn't fit.
And finally, I managed to stick my tail into the smallest one, and when I've taken it out I've felt a miracle. I've farted... What a great experience it was. God was the only person who could fart by now and finally I've got that power as well.
-"Winds, winds, you wonderful winds" - I was singing for the rest of morning, pushing my tail in and pooling it out, exploring the joy of fart. Suddenly I've felt the call of the nature. I've looked left, then right, looked forward, back, left again... O shit, I didn't notice I was surrounded by the freakin` bean plants.
- "What the fuck is a dog, and why I was there" - I wondered. But unfortunately, not for long.
God called me to approach him, and he said - "Now, listen to me Rex, tomorrow morning I'm going to take a pause. I'll sleep till the noon, and you are the chosen one. The one who will take care about the world I've created."
- "But why me?" - I've asked. - "There are many souls more competent then I am."
- "I didn't choose you for your competency" - he said. - "I just can't stand the smell of your breath. Every morning when you sleep in the neighbourhood, my wife makes me to wash my feet."
- "So listen to me carefully. You can go wherever you want, you can do whatever you please, but there's one thing you must know - Don't you ever piss on my beans. The whole world is yours, but the only things I'm going to keep are my beans!"
I had no choice but agree, and walk away cursing.
Very next morning I was walking around, playing with the beautiful creatures that God have made, feeling so happy. I've spent whole morning trying to figure out why did he give me so many holes. I tried to fill each, but my equipment didn't fit.
And finally, I managed to stick my tail into the smallest one, and when I've taken it out I've felt a miracle. I've farted... What a great experience it was. God was the only person who could fart by now and finally I've got that power as well.
-"Winds, winds, you wonderful winds" - I was singing for the rest of morning, pushing my tail in and pooling it out, exploring the joy of fart. Suddenly I've felt the call of the nature. I've looked left, then right, looked forward, back, left again... O shit, I didn't notice I was surrounded by the freakin` bean plants.
-"Damn farts, I must run"- crossed my mind - "I must run fast. Otherwise... Aaaaaah... What a relief...oops!"
Exact that morning, (I've told him it's going to be a big mistake), God has made Adam to keep an eye on me and one on the world, so He made him squint. He forgot to implement one rib into Adam's body, so he decided to create a wife to Adam. He named her Eve. The rest of that story is well known.
How did he know about my pissing, was the only thing I've never figured out. Maybe some snake has told him.
That's how the things in the garden of Eden turned wrong. So, don't blame Eve just because I've started it all, and she has just continued...
Exact that morning, (I've told him it's going to be a big mistake), God has made Adam to keep an eye on me and one on the world, so He made him squint. He forgot to implement one rib into Adam's body, so he decided to create a wife to Adam. He named her Eve. The rest of that story is well known.
How did he know about my pissing, was the only thing I've never figured out. Maybe some snake has told him.
That's how the things in the garden of Eden turned wrong. So, don't blame Eve just because I've started it all, and she has just continued...
